Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
