i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I die, sorry about rent.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
