No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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