you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
