tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize