I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
