I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He did a backflip because drugs
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