thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
