If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize