You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
