I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
