You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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