It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
