i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
