Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
