Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
