she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
