so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
