I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
