thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
