I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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