Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
