My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
