Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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