thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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