Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
