he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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