i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
