That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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