Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
