3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize