i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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