im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
