I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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