We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
