I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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