apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
