That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And then he peed in my hair
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