I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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