I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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