Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
