I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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