i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
