I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
