I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
