Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
