I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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