When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
