So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
