i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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