Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
