he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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