No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sext me about skeletons
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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