Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
