My nipple is on Facebook.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
