It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Actions speak louder than pants.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
