he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
