i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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