Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
