remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
