the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
