Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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