Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
