When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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