I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
