Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
