Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
