so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
