I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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