dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
