I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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