I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
